Kendra and Faith were born in Windom, MN. My husband and I decided to have Kendra in our small town with our doctor because we knew that she may not live when she was born. We had decided that when she was born we wanted to only keep her comfortable if there were problems. We didn't want to go to some big hospital with doctors and nurses we did not know. So before we had Kendra all of the staff knew of our decision. We had Kendra and Faith finally at about 11:00 pm after waiting all day. Kendra was very blue when she came out and we didn't think that we had very long with her. We braced ourselves and the nurses and doctor worked on her a little while. Our doctor wanted to baptize her and so we let him. After he did that she perked right up. Her color turned pink and she started to cry and move around. We were very surprised and happy. My sisters and niece were waiting outside the door and they held her and Clay, Grandma and Grandpa were there too. We didn't know what to expect so we cherished every minute. Kendra was in the hospital a couple of weeks because she was small. Our doctor wanted her to gain some weight. She ate from a bottle, but she was very slow. We decided after a couple of days that tube feeding her some would be helpful and she would gain weight faster. So we did.
We did get to hold Faith too. She was very small and had taken a beating being in the same sack as Kendra the whole 7.5 months. It was so amazing how small she was, but we could still see her little hands and feet and face.
We did go to Sioux Falls for a day to get some tests done. The results were so disappointing. The before birth ultrasounds were pretty much right on. Her brain did not grow and she only had a part of it. The part she did have was very smooth and with only one lobe. It was called alobar holoprosencephally. Basically Kendra had a brain stem that helped her blood to circulate, kept her body temp regulated and kept her in survival mode. Jay and I came home very sad and scared at what the future would hold.
Thank God for my niece and her husband because they helped us so much. Im not sure what we would have done without them. It was a total miracle that God sent them to us. We brought Kendra home and were scared to death. We had hospice coming to help with her meds and oxygen. She had to have a shunt put in her head to help drain the fluid. Her head was filled with fluid and without a shunt it would have just gotten bigger and bigger. We had the shunt put in on Jan. 2 2001. She did great and came home. She got bigger and chubby. That was a good sign. From the day she was born she had siezures. They seemed like they were constant. She would move her eyes, her hands and legs would move. She cried a lot and it was a painful cry. We had her put on meds to try to control some of the seizures, but that was hard to regulate. It was a battle. There were many days I went to the doctor and came home more frustrated then when I went. No one seemed to know what to do. So we tried to keep her as comfortable as we could. On her 1st birthday she got sick and couldn't keep anything down, so she was put in the hospital again for dehydration. Her shunt got infected too and that was another problem to have to deal with. She came home and after that just wasn't the same. Her body couldn't keep up and started shutting down. She made it through two weddings that summer, my niece and brother's. We were so greatful for that.
In Oct. she was getting so thin and couldn't eat anything, Her siezures were worse and things were not looking good. Every other day I would call my family and tell them that this was the day. But she would hold on. It was a strain on us and just watching her suffer was horrible. I got to the point that I would pray to God to just take her. I did not want to see her suffer any more. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. On Oct. 20, 2001 she died in my arms in the blue rocking chair. I remember it like it was yesterday. Our friends and family were all there. Our pastor and nurses were there too. It was a warm fall day, we took Kendra outside a little that day because the sun was warm. The kids played outside. I sat and watched her breath all day. Finally about 2:00 in the afternoon she took her last breath.
My family was a God send through all of this. When I called they all came. I know they did not know what to do for us. We didn't even know what to do. It was a long and difficult road. One that I would take again. Kendra was my angel and she taught me so much about life. Life isn't about stuff. It's about love and family and friends. Sometimes I forget that, but I just have to look at her picture to remember agian. I would give anything to hold her in my arms again. One day I will. Until then I cherish the time I spend with her brothers, Clay, Chance and sister, Camryn. They are my life and I see her in their bright eyes and gorgous smiles. In loving memory of Faith and Kendra.
